deep cleaning

I have never been the type of person that needs a lot of people around me. I have never been the type of person that needs fillers in my life to feel whole and complete. I have always kept my circle tight and intentional.

Well, maybe that last part isn't entirely true. But, I am not entirely to blame.

You see, messy people are everywhere. You can try to avoid them. Even see them coming, but there they are. I am sure, at one point in my life (or several points in my life), I was one of these messy people. I am sure you were too. Messy people create messy lives...for themselves and for everyone around them. Sometimes it's the type of mess that that requires a temporary quick clean-up, like the coffee cup that has been sitting on the kitchen counter for a couple days that you forgot about or the dishes you find in the sink after your teen decided they needed a midnight snack long after you went to sleep. You can clean it up, but you know full well, another mess will just come back in a few days. The little on-going messes just seem to be a part of life and I honestly don't mind them one bit.

But those bigger messes. The Christmas tree that the cat decided to climb up, the broken window in the car because we were 99% sure the 10 foot lumber would fit on our 9 and 3/4 foot van, the 4 gallons of organic bone broth that took you an entire day to make that didn't quite seal right when canning.

But there is an obvious difference between the little messes and the big ones. Maybe you already see it. Maybe you have already learned this important lesson. Or maybe, like myself, it comes to you at 4am while you are laying in bed listening to the ornaments on your Christmas tree come crashing down on the plywood floor we haven't finished yet.

What I am finding, is that there are these little clues in our life that, if we pay attention enough, tell us whether a situation will be a little mess or a big one. There are little clues that tell us, if we pay attention enough, which people that enter into our lives will be the coffee cup that just needs to be rinsed out and set back on the shelf or the tree that just needs to be taken out of our home and set to the curb. And when we confuse the two, like we have so many times, we invite the constant mess and chaos into the very place we are trying to keep clean.

Our home. Our family. Our circle. Our children.

And guess what? This is (almost) entirely within our control. You get to decide, when you see the cat eyeing up the tree for the third time, whether or not there is something to be done about it. You get to decide when you measure the length of the van, whether or not we want to force the hatch down, 'just to see' if it fits (although math has never really been my strongpoint). You get to decide to rummage through the silverware drawer looking for the canning lids from three years ago thinking, 'I am sure they'll be fine'.

They're not fine. Just go buy new ones.

But what I am finding is the 'almost' is what gets me. The gray area. The stepping into something that you think you have control over and finding out that you just have an influence over. Maybe even just a small influence. This is where I get stuck.

Just for a moment, though.

Just for as moment, things feel messy. Just for a moment, things feel out of control. Just for a moment, I can't breathe. Just for a moment I feel stuck. But it is just a moment.

And then it passes.

And then it is time to clean the house. Clean the house of the active, constant messes that surround us. Clean the house of the folks that passively, but for selfish reasons, contribute to the messes. Clean the house of things no longer needed or wanted, that play a part in why this house needs a deep clean in the first place.

That type of cleaning. The type of cleaning that let's you breathe again. The type of cleaning that protects the ones you love, especially the little ones. The type of cleaning that solidifies your relationships you choose to have. The type of cleaning that weeds out the ones who are loyal or just in it for themselves.

That type of cleaning.

So as this year comes to an end, I have no New Year resolutions. I have no far fetched ideas to go to the gym, lose ten pounds, or make lists to be more productive. I am not planning on traveling more, eating better or drinking less. You won't find me wanting more friends, wishing for a better partner (not possible), or longing for any major changes to happen in my life. I like where I am at. I like the life I have created. I like the people that are around me. And right now, that is good enough.

But you can be damn sure that my house will be intentionally clean of the big messes, and the people that contribute to the chaos will not be a part of our peace. And, as always, with the closing of 2024, we joyfully and excitedly bring in what is headed our way, what we actively create and are grateful for where we are.

Merry Christmas to all of you. We hope the New Year brings in some much needed deep cleaning...for you and your family.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I have a Christmas tree to take down.